Okay so I don't have any art to post, wisdom to share, or really anything at all interesting to talk about. But don't let that get you down... I'm sure things will start coming to me... especially if I put enough ellipses in here... ... I think I'll start out with the highlights of the week/weekend, since I'm having a hard time appreciating this week for what it is - the present! I need to learn how to love the present and not just sit around thinking about stuff I've done and where I'm headed. So on Saturday, we experienced Pete's Dueling Piano Bar, a jewel of a place in Fort Worth. Really a quality time all around with the music, comedy, and friends. I did NOT, however, enjoy it when the guy with the drink kart rammed it into my shin, which now has a bruise. It was kinda my fault. I was dancing in the middle of an area intended for walking. I do really wish there had been a place to sit. Note to self: if you're going to go out in Fort Worth on a Saturday after 8pm, expect to get whacked on the shin. But as I said before, it was an all-around fabulous time, and I recommend it. Sunday was lovely because we slept in and then in the afternoon we went for a (rental) house-hunting drive. Of the 5 places on our list, 2 were rented, 2 had 5 foot patios (NOT fenced yards as the ads boasted), and 1 was a shining success. It was like the clouds parted and God said "here, I found a house for you!" Kelly and I got out of the car and peered over the fence to find the backyard of my dreams. Interesting landscaping, you ask? Lovely shrubs and flowers? No, those features are nice when you have little kiddos and back patio dinner parties. It was a sparsely-grassed expanse of land with tall (aka indestructible, non-diggable) mature trees. I was unphased by the aged aluminum siding and the lack of beauty to the house... even the presence of A/C units hanging out of windows didn't bother me (that is, this house has no central air). I called the number from the listing immediately and someone to promptly pick up and come show me the inside of my new home. Instead, I got a friendly voicemail. Okay, no problem. We'll come back later after she calls me. Monday and Tuesday are gone with no call back. I called again yesterday over my lunchbreak only to leave another (identical) voicemail. I sounded friendly and responsible and this lady is crazy for not calling me immediately. Okay, I won't dwell. But I will update later so you know the outcome of the housing situation.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I don't know why I'm posting
Yesterday began as a grumpy Monday. Not that I was particularly grumpy toward anyone (except at Kelly when he was waking me up, as I always am - sorry sweetie!), but that I was just irritated by being at work at all. I can always tell when a day is going to be a long one by the first time I look at the clock. For whatever reason, I don't ever really care what time it is until I start to feel like it's time to leave. Time for lunch, time for a break, do I have to pee? If the first time I look at the clock is before 11, I'm in trouble. Because that means I have less than 2.5 hours under my belt and more than 6 left to go. When I think about six hours being a long time, it makes me feel like I'm a little kid again. When you've only been alive for a little while, an hour is an eternity. Six hours is unfathomable! How could I possibly get through the next SIX HOURS?! This is how I feel at work sometimes. It's weird, because there is nothing whatsoever about my job that is torturous... the boredom of the occasional data entry project, perhaps is mundane, but honestly, everything I do is pretty pleasant. In a way I imagine it's like being in jail. When you're in jail, it's not like there's anything particularly bad going on- you might play cards, you might get in an argument, you go to the cafeteria and get fed some mediocre food, and you play basketball outside in the afternoon. Sounds like a step wayy up from the way some people live daily outside of the prison walls. But when you're trapped and isolated like that, stuck in a place that you don't feel like is your real life, it becomes prison, a terrible place that no one wants to be. I guess that's why i get restless at work. It's all around a pretty pleasant place, but in all honesty I don't feel like most of it has any real value. I say "most of it" because of the relationships, or I should say relationship, that I have there with a coworker. And that's pretty much the only thing that makes it worth it for me. I can make money anywhere, but I don't want to leave this job just yet because of the friendship I've found and the honest conversations that we have (especially when the boss isn't around to hear us chatting instead of working). Whew! That was a lot to say about a Monday that I generally felt was going to suck. Bible Study in the evening was alright, though still awkward because of the newness of the group. I told Sarah Kibs that I was going to make a new friend and I told her she had to hold me to it. I was going to be a good listener and pay attention to my bible study ladies and then at the end I was going to approach someone and say "Hey we should really get coffee soon and discuss ___fill-in-the-blank-thing-we-have-in-common___!" But I couldn't do it! I still felt a little too alienated at the end and after some nice goodbyes at the end I chickened out and went to slip out the door confidently like I had a reason to get home at that precise moment. But I was followed! A friendly mother of twins in my group said she really would love it if I wanted to come to the ladies' get togethers that she and a few others (all moms) have on tuesdays every other week...I was really touched and thought it was sweet - wasn't really sure if that's what I was going for, but sure, okay! Somebody wants to be my friend... So I was like aw, that was nice of her to think of me... and continued on my way out the door. But a girl named Kim, who I couldn't forget since the first lesson 3 weeks ago, caught me and told me she really thought we should hang out. It was weird, because I really felt like I should have been the one approaching her. I identify with her battles, and understand her guarded responses when she doesn't want to open up to the group. She's like me in that we both felt misunderstood and different in a group of church women. So there we go. I made friends. Problems solved, hah! Just kidding, but it's a really good step. I love to be in a group where people see a need in another and really want to fill that need. I wish I would stop looking at how to fill my own needs so often and really get involved enough to help other people in a real need that they have. Because if you're looking for them, you can see them all the time. People have tons of needs that can't be fixed by writing them a check or donating your old clothes. A lot of the time, I convince myself that there's nothing I can do. There's probably no way I can comfort Julie, who just lost her mom. There's probably no way I can improve Charlie's family situation, after her divorce. But it would be better if I didn't think about what I probably can't do and actually say something instead of heading for the door and thinking about what I might've said to the girl whose husband yells at her. Deep, Griffin. Okay enough with the deep. I wish I had some image to post, but as previously stated, I work all day and now I'm going to watch a mooovie! Kisses!
